Category: Effective Parenting

Family Counseling Helps Parents Create Family Routines

family counseling to create family routinesDo you face daily struggles just getting your child out the door in the mornings? Are you always late for work because your 7 year old refuses to put his shoes on when you ask?

You’re not alone.

At Tender Hearts Child Therapy Center, in family counseling we help parents who are facing daily battles with their children. One suggestion we have for parents in family counseling is to implement some family routines. It’s amazing how quickly some of your daily battles with your children will be resolved when you implement and stick to family routines. [br] 

4 Tips to Start a Morning Family Routine:

1.  When you first begin a family routine for the mornings, you’ll find that the routine will be more successful if you wake up earlier than you think you need to at first. Get everyone in the household up at least 15 minutes earlier than you think you are going to need. This includes parents. If you have to have your morning coffee before waking the kids, start an additional 15 minutes earlier. This will give the whole family enough time to get everything done before heading off to school and work and not be rushed or running late. As your family gets more comfortable with the family routine and things begin to run more smoothly in the mornings, you can adjust your wake-up times.

2. The second tip we tell parents in family counseling sessions is to get everything done the night before that can be done. For example, pack lunches, lay out clothes, plan breakfast, gather up homework and all other school items in backpacks and put backpacks by the door. For younger kids (or teenagers who just take too long) get showers and baths the night before, as well.

3. To make mornings run even better, give your children more responsibility. Have a morning checklist for your children. This can be an actual checklist or just one that parents go over with their children before leaving. Checklists can include things like:
• Eating breakfast
• Getting dressed
• Hair and teeth brushed
• Put on shoes
• Get backpacks and lunches

4. To try to avoid the morning procrastinators, give your children an incentive if they get ready early. Allow them some time for TV, reading, a computer game, or something else they like to do before heading off to school. [br] 

Tender Hearts Family Counseling Tips for Afternoon and Evening Routines:

Since most families are super busy with after-school activities, it’s easy to get out of daily routines. However, as we tell parents in family counseling sessions, children need routines to feel safe and secure in their environments.  Regardless of how many after-school activities your child participates in, there is one thing that every child needs to have in his afternoon and evening routine: homework. It is very important early in the school year to establish a homework routine for your children, even if homework is light in the beginning of the year, but it’s never too late to begin a new family afternoon routine.

Sample Afternoon Family Routine:

  1. Provide a healthy snack, but not too close to dinner.
  2. Allow some “down time.” Younger children will want to play and be physical to burn off the energy built up from sitting all day at school. Older children will probably want to watch TV or socialize with their friends
  3. For younger children, check backpacks every night for notes from the teacher and homework. Add important school dates to your family calendar.
  4. For older children, review assignments, homework, and projects from each class. This can be something as simple as asking your child what he did in math class, science class, English class, etc. while you are preparing dinner.
  5. Provide a space for your child to complete his homework. Remove distractions from the homework area so that your child can focus on the homework.
  6. Check or review homework for completion once your child has finished and pack everything in the child’s backpack for a smoother morning.

Finally, while routines are important for children, it is also important to be flexible with your routines. We tell parents in family counseling that it’s important to make changes as necessary to fit your lifestyle. For example, if you always fix a big breakfast for your children, but you consistently run 10 minutes late, try simplifying breakfast to cereal and toast and save those big breakfasts for the weekends.

If you’re exhausted from the daily battles with your children, family counseling can provide you with support and practical strategies to help end the battles once and for all. Tender Hearts Child Therapy Center specializes in providing Family Counseling to specifically address your family’s unique needs. We don’t use cookie-cutter methods in our family counseling sessions. We pull from a variety of parenting methods to help you find the solutions that work best for your family. Call us Today!

Promoting Thanksgiving with your Children

ThanksgivingWhat is the meaning of Thanksgiving? Turkey and pumpkin pie? Cranky relatives? A day off school? A day to play video games? Football? Black Friday? Only 1 month till Christmas?   [br] 

These thoughts were not in the original intent of the holiday. The story of the first Thanksgiving is one of blessings after loss, survival through adversity and friendship, yet the story is often not taught in our schools any more. In 1621, the Pilgrims celebrated a plentiful harvest after a year of scarcity by giving thanks to God and sharing in food and recreation with the Native American people who had helped them survive. The Continental Congress proclaimed the first national Thanksgiving in 1777. In 1789 President George Washington declared Thanksgiving “was a day of public thanksgiving and prayer.” It was not until 1941; however, that Congress officially declared Thanksgiving to be a National Holiday celebrated the fourth Thursday in November.   [br] 

In our fast paced and commercialized lives, we are often caught up in rushing through our days and thinking of the next big event. We often forget to reflect on the true meaning of our life experiences and the opportunities we have to teach our children valuable life lessons. Thanksgiving is a opportunity for us to recognize and teach our children the importance of being thankful and giving thanks.   [br] 

The true meaning of Thanksgiving extends beyond gratitude for our blessings. It is recognition of survival of our disappointments that sweeten blessings. It is also a model for positive thinking which is about choosing to focus on the positive vs. the negative. Studies show people who are grateful report higher levels of happiness and optimism and lower levels of depression and stress.   [br] 

Gratefulness is not an inborn trait; it is a learned behavior. By learning gratitude, we become more polite and pleasant ourselves. Additionally, we become more aware and sensitive to others.   [br]  

Tips to Begin your Journey to Gratitude and to Teach the True Meaning of Thanksgiving to your Children:   [br] 

  1. Read stories which tell the story of the origins of the first Thanksgiving holiday.   [br] 

  2. Use the Thanksgiving Celebration to launch a daily discussion in which you share what you are thankful for and invite your children to tell what they are grateful for. Include in your discussion gratefulness for triumph over adversity and disappointments.   [br] 

  3. Teach your children about helping hands. Challenge yourself and your children to commit to an act of kindness towards others daily.   [br] 

  4. Teach your children to write thank you notes not only for material possessions but when others show them kindness.   [br] 

  5. Model gratitude. Thank people in your life, including your child, for doing good things and showing kindness.   [br] 

  6. Teach your child to focus on what they have, not what they don’t have. Teach your children an awareness that there are always others who are less fortunate.    [br] 

  7. Teach your children about “No.” If we always get what we want when we want, it is hard to appreciate receiving.   [br] 

  8. Use this Thanksgiving holiday to extend the meaning of Thanksgiving from a one day celebration of stuffing yourself with turkey and pumpkin pie to embracing the true meaning of gratitude and a daily celebration of Thanksgiving.      

(This post was originally written for our Parent Newsletter in 2013 by one of our previous therapists.)   

If you feel your family is disconnected and want support creating a loving, nurturing family, then family counseling at Tender Hearts Child Therapy Center can help.  Call us Today to learn how our family counselors are creating stronger families!